"Offer not your right hand easily to anyone." Phytagoras (circa 500 BC)
The other day, while in a hurry and on my way out of the fabulous Lake Chapala Society's gardens, I just about bumped into one of Lakeside's better-known and most popular personalities. He seemed in a rush himself but noticed me in time, and as we approached each other, I wondered how we would deal with our encounter. Would we take time for a short conversation, or if not that, perhaps practice some small talk? How about a friendly "hello" or "hola" and moving right along? And who would decide on which action to take? Hmm....
Here's what happened. Just as we were about to pass each other, we both smiled and, indeed, we exchanged a pleasant enough "Hi." But then, for some strange reason, both of us felt that a perfunctory handshake might be in order. And so, despite our hurry or the rush, we barely managed to grab each other's hand for a split second and let go again so that we could proceed on our way.
I can't speak for the recipient of my handshake, but his came across as if he immediately wondered what made us do it. Sure, when you meet someone new, you normally shake hands, but that's it then--no more, no? And mostly between men, it seems. Women don't use handshakes much and settle for more affectionate gestures such as an embrace or a hastily placed kiss on the cheek. Why? Perhaps they know all too well what men do or touch with their hands, and why.
Handshakes have been around for ages, of course, and I remember working in the office of a hotel in Germany where all employees shook hands with each other when entering the room in the morning, and once again when leaving the place in the late afternoon--every workday of the week. Yet when I lived in Australia, I noticed that people there shook hands when they first met, and never again. Good stuff, I thought at the time.
Many men here at Lakeside not only shake hands every time they meet, but they often use a special handshake to do so. It is called the "Soul Brother Handshake" or even the "Power" or "Unity" shake that originated some time during the 60s amongst the African-Americans, according to the website Wikipedia. This ambitious on-line encyclopedia also describes that handshake as a three-move procedure, beginning with a traditional palm-to-palm clasp, followed in quick succession by a grasp of the thumbs at the base, and then, but not always, a variety of moves that could mean different things to different people.
Having experienced my share of the Soul Brother Handshake in the Ajijic area, I could easily get by without it. For one thing, I can never tell if a well-intended handshake will go as far as the second stage, the thumb-grabbing part of it. Once it's too late and you weren't prepared for that step, you could easily wind up with a sore thumb.
There are worse things in this world, of course, such as the bone-crusher handshake that is not altogether uncommon around here. I happened to grow up with somewhat delicate hands and fingers, which I then used to operate musical instruments, typewriters, and computer keyboards, as well as delectable areas of the opposite physique. The last thing that hands such as mine will welcome is a vice-grip greeting that momentarily, if not permanently, disables most functions for which our hands were so shrewdly designed.
But here's an idea. Perhaps men should get into the habit of hiding their hands inside the pockets of their pants when encountering another person. They could possibly store something in their pockets that keeps their hands busy: some loose change, the keys to the car, a couple of marbles, whatever. Take the male characters on Sixty Minutes, the CBS TV show that's been on far too long--Mike Wallace, et al. As soon as they stroll around with their guest of the week, sure enough, at least one of their hands is stuck in one of their pants' pockets, if not both.
I know, I know, stuffing your hands in your pockets is supposed to be a bad habit, even vulgar at times, but if the Sixty Minutes boys get away with it, then why not us? Heck, it's just something to do with our hands down there while we're busy chatting, and no one gets hurt.
What I do propose, though, is a moratorium on the white male Power-Unity-Soul-Brother Lakeside handshake, the one that looks and feels like a thumb-wrestling match. Its three-stage procedure is often misunderstood and mixed up during execution. It could damage if not end a relationship.
Once we get rid of this awkward gesture, let's go after the standard handshake and abolish that. Then, in the spirit of a more unified greeting, let those men amongst us who wish to do so engage in the all-male hug. All kinds of men already do it, among them hockey and soccer players, so why not us?
Kissing other people on the cheek as a form of greeting or bidding good-bye has never been a strong option or even a habit with me. I will admit that I am just a little bit too shy for that. But that's just me.
