Each year this is one of the hardest times to get through. I wonder why? It is demanded of us to be happy. We are asked to be happy, family-oriented, and to be together with the family or friends.
But for a single person who lives alone all year long, and likes it, it is very hard. The family is either missing, or doesn't want you around. Why? Because you have not given them your entire nest which you worked for all your life? Or, they are with their loved ones, and I guess you are not one of them?
One of mine is in the states, enjoying the fruit of his labor with his wife and daughter. My son said, "Give me your house in Cabo, or else I am not going to be your friend." Well, that may be painful, but at least it is honest. "No ticky, no shirty."
The second one is away in a different part of Mexico, enjoying his wife and her family. I could have been there also, but then, who would be taking care of business here, in Ajijic? No one.
So, me, the victim, is here. By choice, and by no alternative. It is always the same.
I get to be alone during the holidays. Oh, by the way they are not even my holidays, but, nevertheless, I get to suffer. Suffer the pains of loneliness and yet refuse to put on a party to entertain myself, and people who I have recently met.
I am tired of being the one person who needs to make the party. Let someone else make the party, and I be invited.
Just when I have some friends in a community, I seem to go elsewhere. So, now I am here. The parties are in San Miguel de Allende where I was living for four years, and now I cannot attend them. I did attend them before, and honestly, I still felt alone.
Do we just always feel alone? Are we truly, if we are honest, alone in life?
One moment of my life, I met the most wonderful man ever, and he made me feel safe and wanted and part of him and of his family. But, this did not last very long, and as soon as he was gone, dead, it was over. So, the pain of loosing him and never having this warm feeling again, makes me very lonely.
I cannot wait for the holidays to be over so I can once again breeze the life of freedom without the need to be happy. Content, satisfied, enjoying each day, is good enough for me. Just stop with the holidays, already, please.
