Indian pre-Hispanic civilization was communal and hierarchical. Each caste was responsible for their own livelihood; tribute was paid to civil and religious authorities. If one individual of a family failed his obligation, the whole family, and community, was liable; any or all could be punished. When the Spanish arrived, they continued this system, and in the slaughter, slavery, and government disintegration that they brought, social ties were all that the indigenous and mestizo had to rely on.
The process of creating friendship was the same as anywhere else: favors were exchanged, food and drink were shared, and gifts were given; openness and loyalty went beyond anything that we might be familiar with up north, except among our elite.
Today, the process is much the same, and influences all aspects of life in Mexico. One does not recommend a worker because he does a job well; the recommendation is a reflection of a relationship. It is almost impossible to deal through business or government in an efficient way without the right connections or money to grease the wheels. Law as such, is not obeyed here for its own sake, and if you have a matter to bring before a court, it is best to look for an abogado or notario publico with the necessary social ties.
As anywhere else, the higher the economic bracket, the longer the background, the more powerful the connections. Wealth, power and privilege are passed from one generation to the next in a way that mirrors the American South. Advantage is concentrated in a few families, connected by blood or marriage; the poor or upwardly mobile need not apply. Mixing of classes is almost unheard of here except for foreign women who establish close relationships with their maids.
Given that, it is still possible to have some important relationships. Americans are not generally sought out by the upper classes, but the near poor, and the upwardly mobile will take us to their hearts and respond with some amazing friendships. Houses might be rented for five dollars a month, or weeks of help might be given, as in days of old.
When a foreigner wants to establish a business or any important project at all, he is best off searching out a member of a family with influence to establish the necessary connections. Friendship must be formed first, before work. Find people in appropriate places in government, or in business; make the social ties firm before talking much about the project. A conversation you might want to have, say about cleaning up the shoreline, must take place as part of a day’s companionship, not an hour’s appointment, in spite of the amazing professionalism in the city halls the last years.
People contacted must see the project as part of their own interest. While this is true north of the border, it is much more intense here. You must really incorporate their interests into your own life; accept a place in their family, to create a bond strong enough to rely on. The long history of abuse by people higher on the hierarchy means that people here need a “blood-brother” relationship to accomplish much. One needs to go to their weddings, attend their funerals, and to break bread at each other’s table for them to feel the security necessary to come through for you.
Many foreigners feel squeamishness about opening their lives to others in this way. We demand personal space, and emotional isolation from all except the closest of our family members, friends, and business associates. Few have needed to make the leap into such a different way of relating to others. But as many of our women who bond with their maids could testify, there is a richness in this way of living that is comparable only to the love of siblings in our northern European culture.
